Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.

Q: How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle... and one to change the bulb.

Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).

A2: It's out?? Sell my G.E. stock NOW!

Q: How many aides does it take to change President Reagan's light bulb?

A: None, they like to keep him in the dark.

Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Depends on what you want to change it into.

Q: How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 101. One to change it and 100 to convince everyone else to change light bulbs too.

Q: How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

A: ``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''

Q: How many surgeons does it take to replace a light bulb?

A: 3. We'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't using it now.

Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

Q: How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Libertarians never change light bulbs, because someone might enter the room who wants to sit in the dark.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: There is nothing to change.

Q: How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. Televangelists screw in motels.

Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fewer and fewer all the time.